My name is Amy and I have many roles. I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter, teacher, church member, and friend. However, my most important role is being a Christian. This was not always so; although for many years I thought it to be.
I was brought up in a good home and attended the Catholic Church. I was taught about God, Jesus, Mary, the saints, and the sacraments. I was baptized as an infant, made my first communion, and my confirmation. I went to church every Sunday and attended CCD (children religious education) classes. I remember many times being drawn to the bible, tried to read it, but never stuck with it. Although this upbringing had set a great foundation in a type of Christianity, I soon lost it after I went to college and was caught up in worldly living. I still attended the Catholic Church on occasion (holidays, weddings, funerals, etc.) – but to say that I was living for God or in a godly manner; I would be lying.
I am embarrassed to give a true account of how vile I used to live; but it is part of my life that my great God has delivered and forgiven me for. My heart goes out to all those young girls who have not kept themselves pure until marriage. If I could scream at the top of my voice to every young girl to never get sexually involved; I would do it in a heartbeat. I was that type of girl who always wanted attention… especially from the boys. I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend starting at the age of 12. I got drunk for the first time in 6th grade and lived a very secret, but promiscuous life. I partied heavily in high school which only spewed over into college. I have done many shameful things that only God and I will only know…
There are countless times that I can remember leaving a night club, completely intoxicated, and drove home. It was only by God’s grace that he kept me safe all those years. It was only by God’s grace that I never became pregnant or contracted a deadly disease.
Although I have not drank alcohol for many years or have been living a promiscuous life, I STILL “nurse” the scars and pain from that type living.
For many years I disregarded God, the church, and had little or no faith. Looking back though, I do remember people talking to me about the gospel – but I never took it to heart. After the terrorist attacks on 9/11, something stirred in me and I started to search for a church to attend. A friend of mine told me of a church that her parents attended. I decided to go and was very attracted to the size of the congregation, the modern music that played, and the words the pastor would say.
He said that everyone is a sinner, but Jesus can save you from hell. While music played, I repeated what the pastor said to be saved. Thinking that I was saved, I started to attend the church on a regular basis. Things seemed to change in my life. I didn’t go out drinking and partying as much as I used to. I started to dress a bit more conservative. I started to even read the bible. BUT, there was no real assurance in my salvation.
I met my husband a few months later. Since he was a Baptist, we tried to find a good Baptist church. We tried a couple, and ended at Baptist Church in Depew, NY. We were active members of the church, attended bible studies, went to conferences, and handed out tracts on the street. BUT, there still was this doubt about whether I could still go to hell. After a few years, my husband and I decided to move out to the country (about 2 hours south of Buffalo), to raise our son. After the first few months, we felt that this was the worst decision that we ever made. We could not find a church that was a good King James Bible believing church. Things went on a downward spiral from there…
With not going to church, things got much worse for us. The drinking and partying all came back. I gave up on God…or blamed God for my circumstances. I started to doubt my salvation more and more. I’d ask myself many times, “How could a saved person do this, or act like this, or have this type of hatred towards God?”
It was when I totally gave up that God stepped in… My mom found out that a student at her school recently moved to my area. Her dad was the new pastor and my mom pleaded with her to tell her father to go and pay a visit to me and my husband.
He was obedient and came…
After meeting Pastor Asquith, I started attending church by myself. I had never heard a pastor preach the KJV bible this way before, but I continued to doubt my salvation. My pastor never once told me whether I was saved or not – he only let the Spirit of God work in me.
Our pastor told us about a big camp meeting that was held in a corn field not far from where we lived. My husband and I decided to attend for the entire week. During one particular preaching service, I went to the altar and an evangelist prayed next to me. I told him that I wasn’t sure if I was saved or not. He told me a prayer to recite and that I could be saved at that very minute. Being overfilled with emotion – I got up and said that I must be saved now…
About a year or so later, the doubts came back. I was the same Amy. Granted, I wasn’t drinking or being
promiscuous, I still was not living a godly life that was acceptable to the Lord. My faith was weak. I still
blamed God for everything that went wrong in my life. I was very depressed…to the point of suicide.
It wasn’t long after with staying under the preaching that the Lord showed me that I was still lost. I was angry. How many times did I have to say to the Lord that I wanted to be saved? How many times would I have to doubt my salvation? I felt like I would never be saved and the Lord just wrote me off.
One of the verses I got stuck up on was in Romans 10:13 where it says: For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
I called on the Lord for salvation many times…so why wasn’t I saved or had assurance in my salvation? It wasn’t until my pastor told me to keep reading after the verse and look at the verses in context.
Romans 10:14 says: How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?
Salvation comes before calling on the name of the Lord. So my next question was did I truly believe that the Lord would save such a wretched person as me and why would he save me? I kept asking God to show me why he would save me.
It was on April 14, 2012 that the Lord found grace and showed me. In an instant the Lord took me back to my mother’s womb where I was created and progressed through my life until that present day. What a horrible experience that was. To come face to face with all the wretched things I did to myself, to others, to my family, but more importantly what I did against God. It was overwhelming. There was not a time in my life that I did not sin. But more than that…I was sin. I was born sin, but I was created by God. If God created me, but knew I was sin, then for me (or anyone) to be reconciled back to him – He would have to be nailed to a cross, bare my sins in himself, die and go to hell, and be raised again to live forever more in heaven.
God so loved Amy that He died for her. It was right at that moment that I was saved…but with a perfect salvation that carried no doubt. A salvation that I knew that I knew, that I knew that I was saved and was going to heaven to reign with Him for ever more.
Even if I have to guard the gates or stay in the courts – Psalms 84:10 For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. I will live with him forever!
There IS a salvation where you can KNOW.
1 John 5:13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
The verse doesn’t say maybe or sometimes you will. I will never be perfect. I will still make tons of mistakes. I will still have miserable things that I go through. But, it is different this time. I have a God that says he will never leave nor forsake me. I have a God that will show me things that I need to repent of and get out of my life. I have a God that is patient with me. I have a God that chastises me when I do make mistakes. I have a God that has a perfect plan for my life. I have a God that so loved me that he sent himself, Jesus to take my place on that cross.
You don’t have to live a terrible life to be saved. Even if you are brought up in a bible believing family – you still need to be saved.
The Word says in Romans 3:23, For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. And in Romans 5:12 says, Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned.
Read the Word of God and let Him show you why you need a Saviour and how to be born again. Don’t just recite some little prayer that someone says to repeat. If there are doubts – then search them out! Sit under the preaching of King James Bible and let the Word convict you. Hell is real – don’t let that be your final destination.